If I Stay
by abbyli
Summary: Life is finally good for Stefan Salvatore. He's happy, in love with his best friend, and getting ready to move out into the world. But that all comes to a tragic end on a rainy evening. Now he is stuck in the inbetween, forced to watch as Caroline and those he loves try to keep going, while he struggles with a choice. A choice to slip away and die or to stay.
1. the accident

**entitled: **If I Stay

**summary: **Life is finally good for Stefan Salvatore. He's happy, in love with his best friend, and getting ready to move out into the world. But that all comes to a tragic end on a rainy evening. Now Stefan is stuck in the inbetween, forced to watch as Caroline and those he loves try to keep going, while he himself struggles with a decision. To stay and to live a life that will be more difficult then he imagined or to slip away.

**pairings/characters: **steroline, bamon (later), defan, lexi, some mama salvatore

**rating: **t

**disclaimer: **I do not own The vampire Diaries or it's characters.

**notes: **The title may change, I am not sure. I have not seen the movie yet but I loved the idea so much that I had to write my own. I hope you beautiful people will give it a chance.

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_March 12__th__, 2012_

_I look at the radio clock and I see that it's almost midnight. Hard to believe that the night has flown by so quickly. We are driving home after finally leaving the concert house and the rain is pouring down. _

_Caroline's recital was beautiful. She stole the show, of course. And the others were good, I guess. Or maybe I'm just biased. She's got to stop inviting me to these things. And even if she did stop, would that stop me from going?  
><em>

_I enjoyed tonight, not just because I received the pleasure of hearing my girlfriend sing and show off her amazing abilities in music. But also because my mother and step-father came too. _

_My mother was smiling almost the whole night. She hardly let go of my step-father's hand, not that Greg minded. It is so nice to see her finally happy. Despite my father not being the best man in the world, she loved him dearly. He didn't deserve that love that she gave him. That love that was so perfect and pure. Greg does. Greg is a good man and my mother is at peace. That is all that matters. _

_I wish Damon could have been there - I like to think that - _

**_._**

**_._**

"Stefan? Are you still awake?"

His mother's gentle voice pulls Stefan Salvatore from his thoughts. His tired eyes glance up, seeing his mother gazing at him in the rear view mirror.

"Still kind of wired," he says with a weak smile. "I'm sure it will wear off soon enough."

Antonia Salvatore-Kinsey's smile is warm, her eyes so like his crinkling with gentleness and love.

"Well, it's still going to be a while before we get home. Maybe longer if this rain doesn't let up. Why don't you try to get some sleep?"

Stefan shifts in his seat, glancing sideways at his dozing stepfather in the front passenger side.

Greg Kinsey was a good man. A man that Stefan respected. An English professor at the nearby college, with his own personal library that the young boy liked to get lost in for hours at a time. But the most important thing? He made Stefan's mother happy.

Antonia became a mother at a very young age, giving birth to Damon Salvatore at the age of seventeen. She was young, in love with an older man, and not really understanding what was going on around her. After Damon's birth, Antonia had married his father, Guiseppe, having Stefan a good five years later. To put it bluntly, it wasn't the happiest of marriages.

That didn't matter now. Guiseppe had been out of the picture for a good two years and - well, things were better.

Things were good.

Stefan is pulled out of his thoughts once again by the loud and abrupt buzzing of his phone. He hears his mother's quick intake of breath at the sound, murmuring a soft apology as he quickly puts the phone on silent before he looks at the message.

It's from Caroline.

_Are u guys home yet?_

He hides a smirk as he replies.

_How many times do I tell you to spell words correctly when you text? _Insert stupid happy face.

His phone is silent for a moment before it practically explodes.

_IS THIS BETTER, O' TEACHER?! _

Snickering now, Stefan quickly types back a reply.

_Much better, o' student. _

But of course, a moment later -

_Ur lucky ur cute. _

Stefan smiles again before he answers Caroline's first question.

_I'm sure. And no, we are not home yet. The rain is pretty bad. _

Caroline's answer is a worried one.

_Oh no. Please dont take any chances._

Stefan wants to answer her back. He really does.

But he can't.

**.**

**.**

Life is hard. Sometimes it's almost too difficult to get out of bed in the morning.

Things are finally right for Stefan Salvatore. He's seventeen years old, in love with his best friend, getting ready to attend college and work on having a good life.

That's all he wants. That's all he wants for the people that he loves.

But it's on a rainy evening when all of that comes to an end.

**.**

**.**

"Stefan? Stefan, honey, can you please put that phone away? The light is very distracting."

Those are the last words that Stefan hears from his mother. He doesn't even get to say anything back because - well, because there's so much light that next moment.

Not a warm light, not a blazing sun, nothing like that.

Two headlights coming straight at them, with the loud shrillness of a horn being laid on that rings in his ears.

Stefan's phone flies out of his hand, hitting the opposing window as the whole car swerves. He hears nothing but that horn, continuing to blast through his head.

He doesn't feel the impact as the other car hits them. He doesn't feel anything.

But the darkness? He welcomes it.

**.**

**.**

Caroline Forbes never gets a message back from Stefan.

She waits for it. She wait's a good twenty minutes.

Perhaps his mom asked him to turn the phone off until they got home. Yes, that was most likely it. Anyway, it was stupid for her to start texting him while he and his family were trying to get home from _her _recital.

Just give them some time, Caroline. They'll be fine.

She tells herself that until two in the morning.

That's when she starts calling Stefan's phone. And his mom's cell.

They ring and ring and ring. No voicemail, no nothing.

By three am, Caroline is starting to panic. That's when she wakes up her mother.

Liz Forbes isn't too pleased when her daughter wakes her up out of a sound sleep but she does listen to Caroline's worries.

"Okay, honey, I'll call the station," she says, rising out of bed.

Caroline follows her mother out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen, trying to keep herself somewhat busy while her mother begins to make some calls. She glances at her own phone at least thirty times, trying to will it's silence into something else. Anything else.

"...Oh, really? Oh. Oh, no..."

Those words. Those words will haunt Caroline for the rest of her life.

Her mug of tea trembles in her fingers as she watches her mother slowly hang up the phone and turn towards her.

"Mom..."

Liz Forbes loves her daughter so much and she hates to see her in any pain. After her husband left, she thought that that was probably the worst kind of pain. The pain of abandonment.

But this -

"Caroline..." Liz begins, swallowing at the effort of the words. "Caroline, there's been an accident."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**To be continued…**_

**Review? **


	2. the day we met

_**the day we met**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>February 5<strong>__**th**__**, 2011**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_Caroline Forbes is the first person he sees when he returns to school. _

_Well, he doesn't actually _return_ to school. It's more of sitting on the steps to the building and freezing his ass off in the snow. _

_He can't go in. He just can't. _

_So he stays right there on those icy steps, watching as people mill in and out, not really paying any attention to what is going on around him and feeling more and more numb as the temperature drops more and more. _

_And then - _

"_What the hell are you doing out here in the cold?" _

_Well, that wakes him up. _

_A moment later, a heavy coat is being dropped on his shoulders. _

"_You're an idiot. Get inside." _

_He glances up and there she is. _

_She wears a thick woolen coat that is buttoned up to her throat, a bright pink scarf looped around her neck. Blond hair, dotted with snowflakes, frames her pretty face and warm eyes, eyes like a rainbow, gaze down at him. _

"_I know you," he mumbles, his words thick and heavy. It takes him a second to realize that his lips are practically frozen. "You're in my art history class." _

"_And your geography class. You're the cute showoff that knows everything about the world," the girl responds with a smile. _

_Cute. She called him cute. _

_Well, she also called him a showoff but to each his own. _

_She holds out a gloved hand, not bringing it away when he doesn't take it immediately. _

"_My name's Caroline." _

_And then he takes her hand because maybe - maybe he needs someone to hold onto. _

"_Stefan." _

**_._**

**_._**

"_Can I ask what you were doing out there?" Caroline asks him two nights later. "Why were you attempting to become the first human popsicle?" _

_He smirks down into his coffee, hearing the attempt at lightness in her gentle voice even though it wasn't working out so well. _

_He swallows another gulp of the now lukewarm liquid before he answers. _

"_I'll tell you after you tell me why we are here in this place?" _

_You see, they are not in just any old coffeehouse. They are in a remake of freaking Central Perk. There are couches and chairs all over and a freaking stage. _

"_Don't tell me it's karaoke night?" _

_Caroline snorts, watching out of the corner of her eye as a mousy looking gentleman comes out from behind the bar and walks up to the stage. _

"_Not exactly." _

"_All right, all right, all right. I know you beautiful people don't want to listen to me talk - even though I fancy myself a heck of comedian. Here she is, you have all been waiting for her, the amazing Caroline Forbes!" _

_That same mousy gentleman lightly leaps off of the stage as Caroline rises to her feet, smiling at the people that are now applauding her. It's a light applause but fervent, like they have been here before. _

"_You've got to be kidding me," Stefan mumbles to himself, watching as this young woman that he had just met two days before walks up to the stage and sits down on the stool behind the microphone. _

_Caroline leans forward, her lips barely grazing the edge of the mike. Her right hand reaches down and picks up the guitar that Stefan just noticed was laying by the stool. _

"_Hey guys. It's so nice to be up here again after so long," she says, her curtains of sunshine hair falling around her face. "I want to do a song that I have been working on for a while. There's no title yet but I am open for suggestions. Are we game?" _

_The patrons chuckle softly, settling back in their seats as the light strumming of cords begins to pick up, the gentle chords of music and a breath of life finding it's dance in the air. _

_And when she sings, it's the voice of heaven. Angels personally created the voice that is coming out of that slim throat. It reminds him of the warmth of spring but teetering edge of a early autumn morning. Joy and rebirth but also a goodbye and a goodnight. Words of love, a whisper of hope. _

**_._**

**_._**

"_Thanks for telling me you are a local celebrity."  
><em>

_Caroline's laughter reminds him of a child on Christmas morning, filled with a light joy that is inconceivable to him. _

_Joy didn't seem possible now. _

_His mother had woken him up with her screams last night, calling out for his brother and begging for forgiveness. For everything she had done. _

_He didn't blame her in the slightest. _

_But the pain - the grief - _

_It was almost like Damon had died. _

_And maybe he had, in a way. Because the Damon he had grown up with, the Damon that had protected him from the bullies on the playground, that had let a five year old him crawl into bed with him when there was a thunderstorm - that Damon was gone. _

"_My mother and I had to put my brother into rehab." _

_The words fly out of his mouth faster than he can control them but he doesn't try to retract the statement. Those words needed to be said. _

_By Caroline's abrupt silence, he can tell she is listening. _

_They continue to walk forward down the cobblestone street. Golden twinkle lights are strung around the trees, their tiny beams dancing before his eyes. A light snow has begun to fall, painting the picture of a perfect winter evening, even though it was the exact opposite. _

"_My older brother, Damon," he explains softly. "He - uh, he -" Now the words aren't coming out as quickly as he wants them too. _

"_Stefan," Caroline says, her gloved hand resting on his elbow. "You don't have too." _

_He shakes his head. "No, it's all right." He has to do this. With a swallow, he tries again. "Our father wasn't the best father in the world. In fact, he was a right douchebag." _

_Caroline nods. She knows what it's like to have a father not really care about you. _

"_And he didn't care about Damon. He liked me but - I don't know, maybe because Damon didn't want to do everything that he wanted him to do. I was more interested in avoiding a fight. But Damon, he didn't care."_

_For the past year, watching his brother breaking down and not being able to do anything about it - he had wondered. Wondered if perhaps this was better. That maybe letting Damon go into his own private world where there was no pain, no hatred - just numbness - maybe that was better for him. For all of them. _

_But the pain wasn't going away. In fact, it was worse. _

_He wanted his brother back. _

"_I hate them, Caroline," he says suddenly, his words causing Caroline to freeze in her tracks. "I hate my father for being so cruel and I hate my mother for still loving him even though she saw what he was doing to her son." The words continue to fall off his tongue with no hope of stopping until Caroline's warm arms are wrapping around him. _

_He stops talking after a moment, his words reduced to a ramble of nonsense that he can't even understand. His own arms hang slack at his sides and he greedily sucks in the chilly night air, his breathes coming out in heavy gasps, the white clouds hovering in the air to be erased by the falling snow. _

_And then he hugs her back. He holds on. _

"_I'm so sorry," Caroline breathes, hugging him even tighter. _

_He's heard so many of those 'I'm sorry's' in the past few days. Nurses and doctors at the rehab hospital, from his mother, from the teachers at school that knew what was going on. And he hated them. None of them were right, none of them sounded like they meant anything at all. _

_This time, he believes it. From a girl he barely knows, he believes it. _

_Maybe he _can_ heal._

* * *

><p><em><strong>.<strong>_

_**.**_

**Step two, the first flashback. Damon has been in rehab for the past year and what led up to that will be explored more later on. I wanted to touch on the first day that Stefan met Caroline and how she showed up in his life at the right place and the right time and pulled him right from the edge of the abyss that he was sure he was going to fall into. **

**Back to present day in the following chapter. **

**Reviews? **


	3. if i stay

_**if i stay**_

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**.**

She remembers walking in a fog.

Her mother had to treat her like a baby, to get her dressed and then practically lead her out to her car. On the drive there, she begins to wake up.

The only information that her mother had been able to get from the deputy that she had spoken with at the station was that there had been a two car wreck and they weren't sure yet if drugs or alcohol were involved. There had been one death and two were teetering on the brink.

But who had died?

* * *

><p>"When this kid wakes up, he is going to wake up an orphan," the doctor says softly.<p>

"_If _he wakes up," the nurse says, gently draping the sheet over the young man's form, pinning it up to drape the side.

"Don't say that," the doctor says with a snap.

"Sorry."

"Have you found any other family yet?" the doctor asks.

The nurse nods. "He has a brother that lives in a rehab facility in the next state. I think that's it."

"Find him. He's got to know."

"Yes, doctor."

The doctor stands back, her eyes taking in a full assessment of the young man's injuries. Such work and it's going to take so much time but -

She leans down, reaching one hand underneath the sheet and taking the boy's battered fingers in her own. She pulls her mask down with her other hand, her lips a breath's away from the boy's ear.

"You are going to have a long uphill battle to fight, honey," she whispers. "You are still here. But if you need to let go...let go...I am not giving up on you though. This is all up to you now, love."

* * *

><p>Caroline nearly trips over her own feet as she follows her mother through the electric doors to the hospital emergency room. Liz turns around just in time to catch her daughter before she tumbles to the floor, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her to the receptionist's desk.<p>

"Excuse me," her mother says once they reach the desk. "I'm Sheriff Forbes. I received a call tonight that the Kinsey family had been in an accident and I am here to check on their status."

Caroline always thought it was funny that Stefan had decided to keep the last name of Salvatore even after everything he and his brother had been through at their father's hands. When she had asked if he would take Greg's last name, he had smiled, giving her the softest of looks before shaking his head.

"_Despite everything that our father did, his name is still my name. There is nothing I can do to change that."  
><em>

A part of who he was.

Caroline was relieved that she had never met Giuseppe Salvatore. Just the mere thought of this man made her blood go cold but - but Stefan never really had a bad thing to say about him. In the end, it wasn't too difficult to figure out what had happened, especially due to Damon having to be placed in a rehabilitation center.

The receptionist hits some keys on her computer, glancing at the information on the screen before a somber expression crosses her face.

Caroline's knees begin to tremble. Her mother's arm tightens around her shoulders, holding her up.

"Mrs. Kinsey is still in surgery," the receptionist says. "And Mr. Kinsey -" her voice trails off.

Oh, god. Ohgodohgodohgod.

"God..." Liz murmurs, shaking her head.

"And Stefan?" Caroline cuts in. "What about Stefan?" She watches as the receptionist types in the name and shakes her head.

"There is no Stefan Kinsey here."

"His last name is Salvatore," Caroline says. "He didn't take Kinsey, he is still Salvatore."

A few more clicks of the keyboard. "Ah, yes, there he is. Stefan is still in surgery too. That is all the information I can give you. You will have to talk to the doctor."

Liz bids her thanks and steers Caroline to a chair, plopping her down with a bit more force than intended. As soon as she settles her in, her pager begins to go off.

She glances down at the small black box, sighing softly as she replaces it in her belt. "Honey, they need me at the scene," she says. "I've got to go."

Caroline nods, swallowing at the lump in her throat that is just not going down.

"It's okay," she says. "Be careful."

Liz brushes her lips against Caroline's forehead, leaning back to take in her daughter. "You will stay here and wait for news?"

"Where else would I be?" Caroline says. "I will call you as soon as I hear anything."

"My phone will be on," Liz says before kissing her one more time. "I love you."

"Love you too."

It's reluctantly that Liz Forbes backs away and leaves her daughter behind in that big, empty waiting room.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Miller, his pressure is dropping."<p>

* * *

><p>"Is there anyone here for an Antonia Kinsey?"<p>

Caroline's head shoots up.

Almost an hour later with no word, no nothing on either Stefan or his mother. Caroline has talked to her own mother twice, barely listening to what Liz tells her that she has found out at the scene. Both women know that it's not ethical to share details of an investigation and Caroline already has a feeling that her mother will be pulled off this case soon but - this is Stefan. This is Antonia and Greg.

Everything has changed in one horrible night.

That one thought has settled in her mind though.

They were on their way back from seeing her perform at the recital. They had driven all that way to see _her_.

And they had gotten into this accident.

Oh, god...

Caroline shakily gets to her feet, staggering over to where the large black doctor in scrubs stands, surgical cap still on his head. She notices a small drop of blood on his scrub top and tries so hard to keep her dinner down.

"Are you family?" the doctor says, peering down at her.

Caroline nods. "I'm a friend."

The doctor shifts uneasily on the balls of his feet. "Honey, I think you need to get in contact with the family and ask if it's all right -"

"They don't have any other family, all they had was each other," Caroline suddenly bursts out. "And Greg's dead and Damon's somewhere and Stefan -" her voice cracks, teetering dangerously on the abyss of anguish and grief. Looking up into the doctor's sympathetic brown eyes, she fights back a sob. "Mrs. Kinsey died, didn't she?"

The doctor nods, reaching up and gently patting her on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, honey. We did all we could. There was just too much internal damage."

Hot tears glaze her eyes, threatening to spill. Caroline swipes them away as best she can but a few stubborn ones escape down her cheeks.

"And Stefan?"

The doctor's eyebrows raise. "Is that her son?"

Caroline barely nods. "They haven't told me anything."

The doctor raises his chin, glancing thoughtfully over the top of her head. "All right, I will see what I can find out."

Relief pools in her belly. "Thank you."

Just before the doctor leaves, he turns on his heel, looking back in her direction. "Did you say that they had another family member?" he asks.

Caroline chews on her bottom lip, guilt rising once again for a very different reason.

"Mrs. Kinsey's older son, Damon. He's been ... out of the state for the past year."

"You should try to get a hold of him," the doctor says. "He needs to know."

* * *

><p>"Dr. Miller, we're losing him."<p>

* * *

><p>Caroline's phone rings while she is googling the phone number for the rehab center. She glances at the caller id, finding an unknown number gazing back at her.<p>

"Hello?" she whispers tentatively into the receiver.

"_Is this Caroline?_" a male voice greets her. A voice that sounds a bit like...

"Yes, who's this?" Caroline says, barely letting herself breathe.

"_This is Damon, Stefan's brother," _the voice says, lowering in gruffness and a familiar irritation. _"I found your number in the book. Can you tell me where he is? He is not picking up his phone." _

"Uh..." Caroline trails off, glancing wildly at the obnoxiously loud ticking clock on the wall that is glaring at her from across the room. "Damon, you need to come home."

"_And why would I want to do that?" _Damon snarls, rudely. And then the phone clicks, a soft dial tone in her ear.

Caroline's jaw falls open and she stares stonily at her phone for a moment before furiously punching in the numbers of the caller id once again.

"_This is Damon Salvatore. I am not in. If I wanted to be in, I would have picked up the phone_."

God, even his voicemail message is rude.

Once it beeps : "Damon, this is Caroline. I suggest you come home right now because your brother and parents have been in a car accident and they need you. And if you give a flying damn about them at all, you will get your ass home."

You see, Damon had been released from rehab two months before but hadn't bothered to come home. Caroline didn't know the whole story about the reason he had been put in rehab, and hadn't asked. It was a story that Stefan would tell her in time.

If he could.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Miller, there is no pulse."<p>

Screw everything she has just said. This kid isn't dying today.

Violet Miller is a pediatric surgeon. She works generally in the ER and she has seen so much death in the last years of her career. And in cases like these, there is no choice but to give up because it is all up to the child.

As Violet gazes down at the boy's face, at the furrowed brow and the smooth cheeks - the long neck and the slim fingered hands, she sees a future for him. She sees a long beautiful life where he can rebuild and find a new home.

"Come on, honey," she whispers through her mask as she works on his chest. "Come on. You've got it in you. You are a fighter. Come on."

Her eyes dart to the heart monitor, her breath clenched in her chest. She continues chest compressions, the nurse continuing the breaths.

Nothing.

"How long has he been down?" she asks, not tearing her eyes away from the monitor.

"Almost 20 minutes," says the tech. "Doctor, he won't be able to take much more."

"I know," Violet says. "I know." She lifts her hands up from the boy's chest, taking in a choked gasp. Her eyes remain on the monitor, silent prayers on her lips.

And then...

_Beep. _

"Is that a beat?" the nurse gasps.

_Beep, beep. _

Followed by a few more.

"He's back."

* * *

><p>"Did they figure out what had caused the accident?"<p>

Liz Forbes shakes her head, sinking down into the chair beside her daughter. "It's going to take a while for the investigation to be finished," she says as she slips her arm around Caroline's shoulders. "But it looks like the other guy may have fallen asleep at the wheel."

"Who was driving?" Caroline asks, her mother immediately understanding the question.

"His mom was. Mr. Kinsey was asleep in the front seat and Stefan was in the back. He was only wearing his lap belt so ..." her voice trails off.

Caroline nods, holding up a hand. She can't hear anymore. She doesn't want too.

She can't.

A woman suddenly walks into the waiting room, dark brown hair pulled back in a tight bun and a surgical mask draped around her neck.

"Is there anyone here for Stefan Salvatore?" she says, her voice teetering on hopeful.

And Caroline nearly faints.

Liz presses a hand to her shoulder, keeping her in her chair while she rises up to where the doctor is waiting.

"I'm Sheriff Forbes," she says, reaching the doctor.

Violet Miller's eyes dart to where Caroline is seated and she sighs softly.

"Stefan coded twice," she says. "But we got him back. He's stable now but -"

"But what?" Caroline asks from her seat, pulling herself up on unsteady legs.

"Stefan sustained some massive internal injuries from the accident," Violet says gently. "It's a wonder he has made it this far and...he is in a coma. A deep one."

A coma…a coma…

If it wasn't for her mother's steady hand on her back, Caroline would have fallen to the floor.

"I've repaired the damage inside," Violet says. "The rest is up to Stefan now."

* * *

><p><em>He's alone. <em>

_There's nothing around. Absolutely nothing. _

_Fear clenches in his belly and he begins to move forward, his head twisting from side to side, his eyes searching for something. Anything to hold onto. _

"_Mom?!" he calls out, ignoring the slight tremor of his voice. "Greg?!" _

_What happened to him? _

_He continues moving forward, arms thrust out in front of him. Looking – searching – _

_And then a hand takes his. _

_He staggers back, pulling his hand out of the grip. "Who's there?" he calls, his voice shaking. "Mom?" _

_And then the darkness is gone, just like that. _

_Blinking in the sudden light, Stefan swallows back a small cry. The woman that is standing in front of him is not his mother, far from it actually. _

"_Lexi?"_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Longer chapter, yay! <strong>

**Okay, I lied, I thought Bamon was going to be coming in in this chapter but it just didn't fit. **

**Lexi will be playing a part in the next few chapters, more of Stefan's guide in the in-between but she won't be there forever. This is a journey that Stefan will have to make alone and a choice he will have to make on his own. Like Violet says: 'The rest is up to Stefan now'. **

**Damon will be there in the flesh next chapter, followed soon by Bonnie. **

**Review? **


	4. lexi

_**lexi**_

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**.**

**.**

_July 12__th__, 2008_

_We received some horrible news today. Lexi Branson is dead. She was twenty seven. _

_She died after a short battle with leukemia that was caught too late. _

_I never wrote about Lexi before. I hadn't seen her in almost nine years, ever since she moved away from town. _

_My family moved to Mystic Falls when I was in first grade. When I joined the class, I was given a buddy, an older student that would keep an eye on me for a few weeks and help me adjust. That student was Lexi. She was in ninth grade and actually planning on becoming a teacher. That was all she talked about. _

_I remember that we became really close and she took good care of me for almost the whole year. And then her family moved out of town right around summer vacation and that was the last I ever saw of her. I did get a few letters in the mail that my mother read to me but - I don't know why I never tried to write her back. And then the letters stopped coming. _

_Lexi was a kindergarten teacher when she died. I guess she did have her wish come true. _

_I just hope that she found some peace. _

_**.**_

_**.**_

"Lexi?"

She was just the way he remembered her. A little older of course, but still the same beautiful, blond haired, sassy girl that took good care of him during a very difficult time in his life.

His Lexi.

Her smile is the same. So is her laugh when he finds himself staggering forward and wrapping her in his arms.

"Oomph," she chuckles, her tiny arms barely fitting around his waist. "When did you get so tall, kiddo?"

He pulls away, hastily trying to ignore the sudden tears in his eyes. "I think you shrank a little."

Lexi gives him a smile that he remembers as finding so precious, so dear. And he holds on.

"Where is here?" he asks softly. "What happened?"

"You were in an accident, kiddo," Lexi whispers. "Do you remember any of it?"

He shakes his head, his eyes shifting to a point in the dark abyss somewhere that is behind the girl in his arms.

"No, I don't," he says. "What about Mom and Greg? Where are they?"

Lexi's silence answers it all.

His fingers grip her shoulders and he looks down. "Lexi," he says, voice trembling. "Lexi, where are my parents?"

But he doesn't want to hear her say it. Because if Lexi says it, then it will make it true.

Please, god, no.

_No. _

"I'm so sorry, Stef," Lexi murmurs, her blue eyes just so damn sad and he hates it. He hates all of it.

**.  
><strong>

**.**

The fog had just settled in.

"Caroline? Caroline, honey?"

Her mother's voice is so far away. She feels like that she is at the top of a mountain and her mother is at the bottom, calling her home.

But she can't come home.

"Caroline, would you like to see Stefan?"

That does it.

The hazy cloud lifts and Caroline can see again. Her mother is gazing at her with such sympathy and for some reason, she wants it to go away. She wants to be alone and away from all of this because it seems like that Stefan is already dead and she is in mourning.

She already is.

Caroline starts to shake her head but her mother takes her hand, pulling her from her chair.

"I think you need this," Liz says, her fingers sliding around hers and holding on tight.

Caroline doesn't say a word as her mother guides her to the elevators and hits the up button. The doors slip open almost immediately and it's thankfully empty. The Forbes women step on and the doors slide shut. Liz's free hand hits a numbered button and the box jars to life.

"There's a tube down Stefan's throat, helping him breathe," Liz says after a second of silence. "His face is bruised and there is a cut on his forehead that has some stitches. And one of his hands is broken."

"Mom, why are you telling me this?" Caroline says suddenly. "Why would I want to hear any of this?"

"Because you need to prepare yourself, sweetie," Liz replies. "Stefan's body is different, more broken. And –"

"And he's dead," Caroline snaps.

"No."

Liz's voice is firmer than Caroline is used too. She looks at her mother, eyes wide and suddenly burning with fresh tears.

Her mother is looking back at her, her own eyes, so like hers, moist but strong willed.

"Honey, Stefan is still here. He is still holding on," Liz murmurs. "And I think the reason why he is, is because of you."

**.  
><strong>

**.**

The last time he had actually cried was on that horrible night after his brother had to go into rehab. He never thought any kind of pain could actually match that but he was sorely mistaken.

Lexi's arms are around him and he barely feels it.

He swipes a hand across his face and pulls away moisture. Tears. Real tears.

"Did she suffer?" he whispers. "Did they…?"

Lexi's voice is small. "No."

And then…

"Am I dead too?"

Lexi's head shake, he does feel that against his arm. He can feel her even though –

"No," Lexi whispers, her lips moving against his shoulder blade. After a second, she steps back. "Not yet. You're in between."

"What does that mean?"

"It means this, and I don't think you are going to like it," Lexi says, her hand still resting on his elbow. "You have to make a choice. A choice to either move on or to stay."

To stay…

To stay alive.

"If I stay?" he whispers.

"Life is going to be hard," Lexi says. "I am not going to lie to you, kiddo. It's actually going to suck at some times."

"What's the upside to it, then?" Stefan snaps. "To going back to a life where I am an orphan, my brother hates me, and I have nothing?"

"Well, there are a few things," Lexi replies. "A someone."

And those words settle in his brain.

A someone.

_Caroline._

**.**

**.**

"_What are you writing?" _

_Like his hands had wings, the notebook is gone and stuffed back into his bag in an instant. Big green puppy dog eyes gaze up at her innocently and she almost forgets. _

"_What?" _

_Caroline rolls her eyes. "What is in the book, Stefan?" she persists lightly, making a playful grab for the bag. Stefan snatches out of her reach, giving her a grin and a 'none of your business' look. "A love letter to one of your many girlfriends?" she says, removing her hand from the top of the bag. _

_Stefan snorts, pushing the bag further out of her reach with his foot. "If you must know," he says, his hand lacing around her wrist and pulling her down into his lap. Caroline lets out a laugh and she wraps her arm around his neck. "It's some writing I have been working on. And if you behave yourself and stop being so nosy, I will show it to you someday." _

"_What kind of writing?" Caroline asks. _

_Stefan shrugs a shoulder. "Just…some writing." _

"_Stefan!" _

"_Okay, it's a poem. You happy now?" _

_A smile that could light up the heart of Ebenezer Scrooge crosses Caroline's face. She giggles that adorable giggle that always reduces him to putty and he is sorely tempted to actually push her right off of his lap because he knows she is about to get her way. _

"_Caroline, don't ask me, okay?" _

_Caroline chuckles. "Okay, I won't ask." She rises up and takes his hand. "How about some food instead?" _

_He smiles too, getting to his feet. "Sounds good." _

_**.  
><strong>_

_**.**_

What surprised her the most when she stumbled through those doors was how _normal _Stefan looked.

Okay, the tube down his throat and all the machines didn't help.

But he honestly looked like he was sleeping.

It takes Caroline a minute to realize that her mother hadn't followed her into the room. She glances behind her and sees the back of her mother's long jacket disappearing from view around the corner.

"Mom, what –" And the words die in her throat.

Her mother had planned this. No matter how painful it was going to be, her mother was right and she had to do this.

She had to be with him.

Caroline turns back towards the bed and the beeping machines. The machines that are keeping Stefan, her Stefan, here.

"Stefan?" she whispers, standing almost three feet away from the bed.

His good hand rests on top of the sheets, fingers long and slim and spread out.

Inching closer, she takes that hand.

It's warm.

Her eyes trace his form and she sighs, sinking down onto the bed beside his knees, her fingers still wrapped around his hand.

"Please stay…"

**.**

**.**

* * *

><p><strong>I am such a rotten person. I keep promising Damon and he is not here yet. But sadly, Damon is just not fitting in yet. And it sucks because I really want to bring him and Bonnie in but having him in before it's right, the story won't flow. Right now, it is all about Stefan and Caroline and their relationship and their love. <strong>

**Thanks guys. Review?**


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